The billboard “Stop Faking It.Try a New Position.” turned heads. It was actually advertising a job recruitment website, though it stood out because it seemed to be talking about sex. According to studies, women fake orgasms at an average rate of 7 out of every 10. Partly as a consequence, men misunderstand women’s sexual needs. It [...]
Statistics show that within seven years of coming into money, the average person will be living at the same economic level as before the windfall appeared. The explanation for this typically lies in a person’s “money scripts”, the powerful beliefs they formed about money, usually in childhood. These money scripts tend to remain unconscious and [...]
At the root of many disorders – anxiety, depression, food issues and addiction – often lies trauma. That can be “small t” trauma, meaning relatively small moments of shame, embarrassment, fear, failure or rejection that all too often got overlooked. Or it can be “big T” Trauma, meaning trauma stemming from childhood neglect, sexual [...]
Somebody wants something from you and even though the tight knot in your stomach says “No”, what comes out of your mouth is “Yes”. That experience of denying your own feelings, in order to please others and keep them emotionally comfortable, is one of the tell-tale traits of codependency. WHAT ARE THE OTHER [...]
Sleep is one of those things that happens best when we let go, so getting too focused on it can actually be disruptive. The more you think about whether you’ll be able to fall asleep tonight and what you should do to stop waking up, the more you unconsciously identify yourself as somebody with [...]
If your relationship is in need of an overhaul, but you don’t have the time for long therapeutic processes, then the closest thing to a quick-fix that I’ve come across lies in figuring out whether you’re speaking the right “love language”. Do you know what you need to feel really loved? Are you aware of [...]
There’s a big difference between treating the symptom, and treating the underlying cause, of depression. If you’ve ever found yourself repeatedly sinking into the quicksand of despair, inertia or sadness, you’ll know how difficult it can be to heal. Depression, once treated, often returns – and becomes more likely to recur the more often it [...]
The two topics that elicit the most heated emotions in couples therapy are perhaps money and sex. But there are plenty of other issues that typically get argued about: who’s spending too much time at work, who’s not helping out with household chores, who’s unwilling to commit, who’s being excessive with food or alcohol, who’s [...]
Whether you’re dating, engaged or married, at some point the honeymoon period ends. It can end gradually – nagging doubts that keep getting stronger over time. Or it can end abruptly because of a sudden realisation or a painful disappointment. In my therapy practice I’ve noticed that if couples don’t have difficulties in the year [...]
So you’ve fallen off the wagon and you’ve “done it again” – whether that means you’ve raided the fridge, the liquor cabinet or the deep stores of anger that live inside of you. Now what? We put so much emphasis on trying not to binge, that as soon as we cross a certain line, we [...]
Many of us binge. What differs, is what we binge on. For some of us it’s food, alcohol, drugs or sex. For others it’s anger, anxiety, self-loathing or self-pity. The cycle in each case is surprisingly similar. We feel more and more tight and tense on the inside, our thoughts become all consuming and sooner [...]
The underlying cause of the growing epidemic in eating disorders and obesity isn’t food, but the fact that we don’t want to feel. We don’t know what to do with the sadness, disappointment, anger, helplessness, shame, anxiety or worthlessness inside of us and so we try and avoid or numb it through food and eating [...]
The key to transforming our lives doesn’t lie where we think it does. We make the mistake of believing that getting to where we want to go means working harder or striving more. In reality – no matter whether we’re wanting to heal our relationship with food, end the arguments in our home, grow our [...]
Particularly if we grew up in a family system which was dysfunctional or alcoholic, we’re likely to have developed an acute awareness of other people’s moods and internal states. A hypervigilance occurs where we learn to be incredibly attuned to cues signaling a shift in mood – a tone of voice, a facial expression, a [...]
There are invariably going to be times when we find ourselves in the corridor. No doors are opening. No answers are forthcoming. Nothing seems to be moving and we’re just sitting there in the unknown. It’s that tunnel of uncertainty. There’s often at least one area of our lives where we feel we’re not where [...]
We all have different ways of expressing anger. For some of us there’s an audible explosion – we raise our voices, shout and scream or even get physical. For others, there’s an internal contraction or shutting down. We go silent, give clipped one-word answers and radiate that unmistakable energy of hate or contempt. Some people [...]
Some women know from a very young age that they want children. Others are hit by that realization at 30 or 35. And others still are quite certain they don’t want a baby but then in their late 30s or early 40s suddenly doubt that decision and find themselves desperate to have a child after [...]
Our email inboxes have a tendency to overflow. Certain errands are on on our to-do lists for months on end. And we have a whole host of people we’ve been meaning to get back to or catch up with. Having a full life can be wonderful, but it’s only really enjoyable if there’s enough space [...]
You’re in the bathroom or raiding your wardrobe, trying to find something to wear. You turn to the mirror and there it is, that same thought, “I should be thinner”. The thought shows up so quickly you may not even notice it. You’re immediately swept up in the visceral experience of the hopelessness, despair or [...]
Our lives are on constant repeat. If you haven’t noticed then you’re not paying attention. The circumstances we encounter at home, at work and in our relationships may appear to be different on the surface, but very often the underlying dynamics and themes remain unnervingly similar. We keep doing the same thing over and over [...]
So many of us squander the precious time we have being single. We waste it on wishing we weren’t single. We pretend to have fun, but often we’re secretly or not-so-secretly scanning the room, hoping to meet him or her. You know, that person who will complete us and make us feel whole, otherwise known [...]
We all know that feeling when the bubble bursts. That sinking sensation in our stomachs when we realize it hasn’t worked out how we’d planned. That moment when we realize a relationship is over. That instant when it becomes clear we’ve missed the boat on a dream that will never happen, or the moment we [...]
Walking down Kensington Church Street in London, I caught sight of an electric blue chair in the shop window of the furniture store Jimmie Martin. The words “Your Imperfection Turns Me On” emblazoned across it in bright orange got my attention. It made me think about how we typically deal with what we perceive as [...]
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